To: the biatch who sat next to me on the A train this morning

Dear biatch who sat next me during the insufferably long A train commute to work this morning,

I thought I would take a few moments out of my day to attempt to give you a few tips.

1) It's rude (and and considered disorderly conduct, see Section 1050.7, letter e) to play your music that loud on your iPod nano.

2) You're going to lose your hearing, sooner rather than later.

3) When I smiled and politely asked you to turn your music down,
you didn't have to be so incredibly rude while saying 'No'.

4) If you want to live to a ripe old age without having experienced some irate person shoving your iPod down/up/into one of your orifices, I politely suggest you never ride one of the New Jersey Transit buses out of Port Authority.

Hope you have a pleasant week and that you take my well wishes to heart as I'm particularly worried about your health.

Kind regards,
Bitter